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Friday Fictioneers- 26 Dec.2014- LESSON

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rochelle is here with a new photo prompt by Björn Rudberg.

PHOTO PROMPT - Copyright -Björn Rudberg

 

LESSON

‘I cannot go up mother; it’s hard to climb up.’ I whined.

‘Yes you can, first drop all those things weighing you down.’ Mother cajoled.

‘ Pride, prejudices,envy,anger, hatred, any negative emotion you have drop at each step Then you will notice how easy it is to reach the top   but remember it’s hard to go up and stay there but easy to come down.’

‘How do you know?

‘Because I was there once.’

“Why not come with me?

‘I am retired. Now I will stay here and help people go up.’

About Indira

I knew all along that life is about, love, compassion, compatibility and friendship, but now I have discovered that life is also about sharing thought, encouraging others and getting encouraged. So here I am with my blogs about life, friendship, love, and whatever life has taught me.

25 responses »

  1. Wonderful. You have done the picture honor with your tale with a deeper meaning..

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  2. Its a good story with a moral.. I liked the line ‘it’s hard to go up and stay there but easy to come down.’

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  3. Great message. Drop the baggage.

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  4. Dear Indira,

    She’s a wise mother indeed. We all have baggage, don’t we? It’s so easy to pick it back up even if we lay it down.

    Some grammar issues you might consider. ‘I cannot go up, Mother. It’s hard to climb,’ I whined. Cannot is one word. That saves you one.😉

    ‘Then you will notice how easy it is to reach the top. But…’ No ‘and’ needed.

    I really don’t think you need ‘I queried,’ ‘I inquired,’ or ‘Mother concluded.’ We have a good idea of who is saying what. ‘Mother concluded weakens the powerful statement you make at the end.

    If I’ve gone overboard with my critique let me know. It’s a good story and I don’t want you to think that I think otherwise.

    Shalom and a Happy New Year.

    Rochelle

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    • Dear Rochelle, the more you go over board, the more is beneficial for me. You know my English is week. So it helps me a lot. Thanks a lot. A very good Happy New Year to you dear. Love and hugs.

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    • I just added them to make 100 words.

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      • Indira, my dear, you are a joy to communicate with. The story is stronger with the changes. I hope you think so, too.

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      • My dear Rochelle, you are a sweet heart I have stumbled upon when joined FF. You have given a new perspective to me with your stories, your comments, your photo prompts. Your are very kind to read my stories and give suggestions. You can’t imagine how much you help me. I always edit according to your suggestions and result is positive. Thanks a lot. Love, hugs and best wishes for 2015. I am sending you one of sketches. Shalom.

        On Sun, Dec 28, 2014 at 3:05 PM, Indira's Blog wrote:

        >

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  5. Dear Indira,

    Your English may be weak but your storytelling spirit is strong. This was delightfully simple and powerful at the same time. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    • So kind of you to say that. Thanks. It take a great effort for me to write even 100 words. Your comment is very encouraging. Wish you all the best for 2015.

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  6. What a wonderful occupation for a retiree – helping other people to climb life’s stairway. Lovely story.

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  7. I love your story, Indira. It reminds me of my mother. Happy New Year!

    Lily

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  8. A lovely story, almost a parable.

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  9. Amazing. Wonderful story

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  10. I am always extra impressed by those writers who share in a new language. Such a challenge! This is a charming story, with an uplifting message. I like that the mother now helps people “go up.” Metaphorically, symbolically, spiritually– it is a lovely message. Nice job.

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  11. Beautifully expressed

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